random thought….

Some days (more like everyday) I wish I could turn off my emotions. They take up too much energy.


houseofwonderandchaos:

end0skeletal:

In case you’re having a bad day…here are some puppies sleeping with stuffed animals.

(Credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. A note on the first puppy: At 5-1/2 weeks old, Daisy was mauled by a larger dog. As a result of that attack, she lost an eye, hence the stitches. Daisy is now 6 months old and doing well!)

It’s just so…

image

(via emmadot)


cockenblog:

Selena Gomez teaches a lesson in remembering there are cameras at MTV events.

cockenblog:

Selena Gomez teaches a lesson in remembering there are cameras at MTV events.

(via bffproductions)


Del Exterior al Interior

I’ve been reflecting a lot about my life lately (actually my whole summer), how my life currently is and how I would like for it to look like. I do know I don’t have the answers, but I do have a lot of doubts. Not to sound dramatic or anything, but I think I’m going through a quarter-life crisis five years early. 

You see, if you were to have told seventeen year old me that at twenty years old I would not know where my life is going, I’d laugh hysterically. 1) Because seventeen year old me had life figured out, or so she thought, and 2) at the time my life revolved around school. 

During high school I had my priority set to get the greatest grades and figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I went through different phases where each week I wanted to pursue different careers. One week I’d choose to be a math teacher and the next I wanted to be a dentist. I didn’t know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but I did know that I wanted to go to college, get a masters, and earn a lot of money (or at least make more than my siblings that are teachers). I wanted the American dream, and I was going to do whatever it took to get it.

Behind the superficial aspect of why I wanted a good career was that I wanted a job where I’d help others. I might be an introvert, but I wanted to provide care and assistance to those in need. Speech-language pathology seemed like the perfect career at the time. So that was that, I enrolled in the speech-language pathology program at NAU. I’m human, so of course I had doubts whether this was the right career or not for me. 

The most amusing part of this is that God was probably laughing the whole time as I made these plans. I never considered to ask or tell Him what I wanted in life. I assumed He wanted me to have a good/successful life.

Two years later and I am at cross roads with my life. I don’t think this career is meant for me. I don’t think I was born to help people in this way. I get anxious when I think of this because I feel as if I have wasted my time studying a career I have lost a passion for. 

But you know what I do have a passion for? Ministry. Last October I refocused my life on God and I get excited of learning more and more about Him. I’ve started this journey on learning what it is to be Latina and Christian. I use to think that they were separate things, but they go hand in hand. It’s been a painful journey but I’ve learned that God created me Mexican because He has a purpose. This past year has been filled with many challenges. The most radical one is learning that God has control over my whole life and I need to give that to Him. Over the past few months I’ve felt that God has been placing ministry work in my heart. I didn’t use to care much for evangelism, but the feelings I get from ministry work do not compare to how I feel about my career choice. Ministry is a lot of work, but I love it, I really do. 

I’ve changed a lot from the person I used to be. I don’t want the American dream anymore, I don’t desire to be successful. I want to follow Jesus and that’s a huge risk. It means that if I were to go on full time ministry I would have to raise my own salary. I would have to trust and depend on God that He will provide and meet my needs. Is this a risk I’m willing to take? 

So this is where I am in life, I don’t know what I’m suppose to do anymore. I don’t have a plan. The check list of what will make me successful is gone. I do know is that the choice of whether I will go into full time ministry or continue onto grad school once I graduate is up to me, I’m just having a hard time using my voice. 

 -Mel

p.s. Thanks for reading to my somewhat rant on how I’m lost and confused. 


I said never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.
Iain S. Thomas, Intentional Dissonance (via felicefawn)

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